Police Report: Able to leap tall buggies...


(Actual items from the local police record.)

John Randolph, 60, of East Templeton, Mass., was driving a 2009 Nisan Sentra south on Forrestal Road when a deer that was standing on the right side of the road jumped up and landed on the roof of Randolph's car. There were no reported injuries and the car was driven from the scene.

Tune in next week for the further adventures of...SUPER-DEER!


(Click here for more nonsense from the Police Report.)

Police Report: Domestic Altercation

(Actual item from the local paper.) Neighbor complaint: At 7:50 a.m., police responded to a residence for a report of yelling coming from the neighbor's residence. Officer checked the area and determined the yelling was Guinea hens squealing.

(Apparently, they had been left in a room with the Food Channel playing all night and were upset about an episode of "Iron Chef" in which a relative played a major role.)


Police Report: Corn Rage

 (Actual items from the local police record.)

At 10:40 a.m., police took a report of criminal mischief from a Bible Hill Road resident. Police found minor damage to a garage door, which appeared to be the result of someone hitting the door with numerous ears of corn.

Some people just can't be trusted with vegetables.

Police Report: Stalker or Cheapskate?

 (Actual items from the local police record.)

Traffic stop: at 1:15 am., a Rindge resident driving east on Route 119 from Fitzwilliam called police on her cellphone to report she was being followed by a white van. The van's lights were going off and on and the driver was at times tailgating her and then backing off, and she was alarmed. Police responded and stopped the van on Route 119. Police determined the driver…was having electrical problems that caused the van's lights to go off and on when he hit frost heaves on the road. The man said when that happened, he would move up close to the car in front of him so he could follow the road using that car's headlights. He would back off, he said, when his lights came back on. Police issued him a warning for driving with defective equipment.

And by "equipment," they didn't necessarily mean the van.