(Actual items from the local police record.)
Animal complaint: At 11:17 a.m., police took a report of a dog stuck in a trash can on Pine Valley Street. A resident was able to free the dog, and it took off. Police located the dog, which had returned to its own property.
Don't you hate it when that happens? You're just out cruising around, and you decide to have a snack, and the next thing you know...
(Actual items from the local police record.)
Animal Complaint: At 11:20 a.m.. Officer David Myer went to Evans Road after a resident reported a rabid raccoon. Myer found a porcupine, who appeared to be fine.
Raccoon, porcupine. Whatever.
(Actual items from the local police record.)
Suspicious incident: At 8:05 p.m., a General Miller Road resident reported someone was in her house while she was gone, and moved a floor mat.
The time before that, they rearranged the chairs and tasted the porridge.